I would add, it likely is also a life-long process.

Some days I wish I had taken the blue pill instead of the red one. In the movie The Matrix when Neo reaches for the red pill, Morpheus reminds him “I’m only offering you the truth; nothing more.”

Some days the truth stinks.

It wasn’t so long ago I was on staff at a large, respected church, had closet full of nice clothes, a nice house, nice friends, etc.  But somewhere along the way I got offered the red pill.  Now I”m making just above the poverty level, spending my work time with those below and well-below the poverty level.

The church institution has become unreal to me and my wife.  As has the US American culture.  What is more real, more true, is the reality of the One who is the Way, Truth, and Life.

But this more real way is indeed painful.

Though I’ve never detoxed from street drugs, I spend lots of time with those who have or are presently detoxing.  It’s an ugly process.  Everything your mind fights against, your body wants to embrace.  It truly feels like life and death.

The financial comfort, the good social standing, the good standing within the institutional church … all these things I know are shams.  I know it in my head.  I know it like the deepest of convictions.  But the rest of me struggles with a sense of loss for these things.

The majority of the “respectable” folks consider me and my wife wacky, mistaken, bitter, or just flat out wrong.  Those opinions are painful.

A large portion of my clergy peers don’t understand why I left “real ministry,” nor do they see their own complicity with the negatives of institutionalism.  Their limited understanding and denial is painful.

Long time friends and even some family occasionally just don’t get us.  Believe me, that’s painful.

I realize that when Jesus declared that those who follow him must leave behind family, friends, and attachment to institutions and culture, he meant it.

Separation from those within the institutional and cultural milieu is not fun.  It’s easier when there are sojourners to dialogue with.

And it does feel like a matter of life and death.  Every day part of me dies.  And only through hope do I trust it is a necessary part of my life I must lose so that I might be saved.

I guess this post comes from a place of loneliness.  A loneliness I share with Jeremiah and the prophets, Jesus the Nazarene, and even Neo and crew.

Do you share it too?  Are you detoxing from institution and culture?  Is it painful?

–

Brian Niece
www.brianniece.com
If you enjoyed this post, get free updates by email or RSS.Related Posts:

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Okay, that may have been a big motivator for any job, but here I am serving as a manager for a shelter and transitional program for the homeless and working poor. I could be employed doing something that has nothing to do with my life mission. Instead, here I am. And I love it. Why?

As way of explaining why I love this ministry, let me share a story.

A resident — I’ll call him “Gus” — was sitting in my office as I administered a breathalyzer test to him. The night before, his reading was .12 (that’s drunk). Two nights before, I had spent 3o minutes with Gus as he cried and grieved over the recent losses in his life. He was making six figures just 5 years ago. He has two teenage children who are currently living with his estranged wife. His wife has repeatedly cheated on him and finally kicked him out, presumably for excessive drinking and all that drinking entails.

The man who just a few years ago was living the so-called American Dream, was now a resident in a homeless shelter.

And I was noticing a trend. He tends to point at the specks of wood in the eyes of others while ignoring the 2×4 in his own eye.

Gus had been trying to ease his emotional pain with strong liquor. He was not getting with the transitional program. And he was lying to me and my staff to cover it up.

I had prayed with him, helped him secure some income, listened as he processed … all the while I noticed he was in denial as to his culpability of the circumstance he found himself in.

Now, he was sitting in my office again and we were having him blow into a breathalyzer (again) to determine just how much he’d had to drink.

Gus said “just a tall boy about 1pm today.” That would mean he might show a .02 on the meter.

Beep, beep goes the machine. And I read a .10. He’s very drunk again.

In my office with me and Gus is one of my staff members at the shelter — I’ll call him Jim.

After we get the results of Gus’s blood alcohol content, I explain to Gus that he can’t stay at the shelter this night. He now has his 3rd strike. We’ll give him some dinner and a blanket, but he has to face the consequences of his actions.

I’m baffled and frustrated. Not only was he showing up drunk, but he had been previously caught with a fifth of vodka IN THE SHELTER. That’s a big “no no.” He was lucky to be here right now.

He repeatedly had told me what a grace the shelter was: “Two hot meals, a warm shower, a clean bed, a caring staff, a safe place to be.” And he was thumbing his nose at the whole process.

As I tried to fathom why he would push his circumstance to this point, Jim spoke up.

“Gus, you can point at a woman, a bottle of alcohol, life circumstances, everyone else, but nothing is going to fill what’s in here”, as he places the palm of his hand on Gus’s chest, indicating the heart. “That’s a God thing, brother.”

You see, Jim is a staff member who was a resident just 3 months ago when I began the job. He’s one of two former residents who I’ve hired as staff. He had gone 7 years in AA, staying sober. Before that, he had lost his first marriage, his kids, his job, his dignity, his self-respect … everything. After 7 years, he took it upon himself to start over. When he began trusting himself, he fell off the wagon again. This time, none of his family threw him a lifeline. They cut him off. So after running for a long time, he ended up in the shelter.

After proving his sobriety and vowing to be changed, I hired him. Jim wakes up every day and asks God to help him stay sober that day. He is a man of great faith. You wouldn’t find Jim’s theological statements in a systematic theology text. But he has placed his entire life into the hands of someone bigger than himself. He now spends time with his daughters. His rebuilding bridges that seemed nothing but ashes a few months before. Jim trusts God to go before him every step of the way. It’s amazing to watch.

And here was Jim in my office talking to Gus. “Gus, I’ve lost it all: women, family, friends, job, dignity, everything. But nothing addresses the pain in the heart except the One who created you. You can’t turn to him until you recognize you have a problem. It’s a God thing, brother.”

Wow! Here was the gospel being played out right in front of me.

In the typical “church world” I wouldn’t be a witness to this. In fact, every day I work at the shelter, I come home with another story of how I’ve witnessed Jesus in the poor and disenfranchised.

The stuff of Jesus I read in the gospels, I’m privileged to experience almost every day! I never experienced this in the “professional ministry.”

Why am I serving as a shelter manager?

Because I was called to preach the gospel, and when necessary to use words. I finally am living and experiencing the Gospel of Jesus Christ on a daily basis.

It’s humbling, wonderful, heart-breaking, intimidating, joyful, and hopeful all at the same time. I witness lives being transformed. I hang out with the kinds of people Jesus was friends with.

Instead of piddling around with buildings, boards, and budgets I get to offer a cup of cold water in Jesus’ name. I get to clothe the naked, feed the hungry, visit the prisoners, and see the captives set free.

Why would I ever go back to “respectable Christian ministry”?

In future posts, I’ll give more examples to explain the “Why?”. Hopefully, you can see why this is wonderful outpouring of God’s grace: that I be allowed to be part of Christ’s work in this way.

——

Brian Niece
www.brianniece.com
If you enjoyed this post, get free updates by email or RSS.Related Posts:

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“My dear friend, abandon yourself, and you will find me.  Give up your will and every title to yourself, and you will always come out ahead, for greater grace will be yours the moment you turn yourself over to me once and for all.”

–From The Imitation of Christ by Thomas a Kempis

——

Brian Niece
www.brianniece.com

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Paul must have known that his reading audience in Corinth would be reading these letters thinking, “Paul is a complete idiot,” “He doesn’t grow the church the way Apollos does,” “Paul is weird,” “Paul sure seems stuck on himself and his way of following Jesus,” “Paul just doesn’t understand what it’s like to live in Corinth,” and so on.

I find myself identifying with Paul’s missionary plight more and more in recent days.  I wish I didn’t.  I mean, even the religious elite in his own movement (i.e. Peter and the Council at Jerusalem) would look down on him … not to mention his former tribe (the Jewish leaders).

And yet, in the face of opposition from every side, and even from those who should be supporting him, Paul writes:

But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong. - 1 Corinthians 1:27

It’s frustrating to be considered foolish.  It’s frustrating to have “the system” breathing down your neck because leaders have aligned themselves more closely with the cultures of this individualistic, business-driven world than they have the Prince of Peace and God’s Kingdom.

Part of me wants to see the “shaming of the strong.”  God forgive me for that, even as much as I forgive the strong.

Still clinging to foolishness …

SO TELL ME SOMETHING:
How do you deal with walking the foolish path of Jesus?

——

Brian Niece
www.brianniece.com
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I’m honing in more on the similarities between my plight and that of my spiritual grandfather, Phineas Bresee.

Bresee was rejected by the establishment of his tribe.  His rejection culminated in the formation of a new tribe about 10 years later.

He was rejected because he wanted a Christian life that was not just about words.  Bresee not only believed that ministry to the urban poor was important, he intentionally stood with the poor in ruined communities. He and those around him defended the poor, advocated against the injustices that fueled poverty, and developed spaces of belonging and access in which the poor were, not only welcome, but at home.

Bresee and the early Nazarenes challenged social injustices.  They urged their church familiy to move from merely preaching a holiness of heart to expressing holiness of life–in the physical, ordinary, and mundane–as solidarity with the disenfranchised. This is in the direct line of my spiritual great-grandfather, John Wesley.

Because of the poor, Bresee called for radical simplicity of church facilities, not only because ostentatious styles were off-putting for the poor, but the sheer cost of unnecessary embellishments were poor stewardship of resources of God’s people. Tithes and offerings should be used to serve the poor, not build impressive structures. Likewise, words, dress, and lifestyle were to be simple … because of the implications for the poor.

Bresee once wrote:

The first miracle after the baptism of the Holy (Spirit) was wrought upon a beggar. It means that the first service of a Holy (Spirit)-baptized church is to the poor; that its ministry is to those who are lowest down; that its gifts are for those who need them the most. As the Spirit was upon Jesus to preach the gospel to the poor, so His Spirit is upon His servants for the same purpose.

And so Bresee was rejected by his church establishment for challenging Christians to live like Jesus.  He was rejected for being Jesus to the disenfranchised and seeing Jesus in them.  He was rejected for not becoming like the ones who already called themselves Christians.  He was rejected for suggesting church resources should be used for something other than maintaining an institution, a building, an flawed paradigm.  He was rejected for moving beyond a stale, useless, faith.

Bresee was rejected, just as Jesus was.  His primary persecutors were the most “religious” people of his day … as were Bresee’s.

So when I celebrate a centennial marker next week, I’m not celebrating the dawn of yet another schism in the Church universal.  I’m not celebrating the founding of a particular tribe in which I happen to be an ordained elder.  I’m not celebrating the misguided and failed ways we have exercised the inheritance of our spiritual ancestors.

Instead, I’ll be celebrating a wonderful idea made tangible: preaching the gospel to the poor in word and deed.

SO TELL ME SOMETHING:
Can you identify with the plight of Bresee?

——

Brian Niece
www.brianniece.com
If you enjoyed this post, get free updates by email or RSS.Related Posts:

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To go where healing love is needed, and give it in a way in which it can be received, often means acting in the teeth of our own interests and preferences, even religious interests and preferences.  Christ risked his reputation for holiness by healing on the Sabbath; he touched the unclean and dined with the wrong people; he accepted the love and companionship of a sinner (that most wonderful of all remedies for the wounds of sin).  He loved with God’s love and so went straight to the point: What can I do to restore my fellow creature and how?

–From The Light of Christ by Evelyn Underhill

SO TELL ME SOMETHING:
How easy or difficult is it for you to be like Christ in these ways?

——

Brian Niece
www.brianniece.com
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Today I’m sitting in Memorial Hospital in Savannah, GA.  My friend (our 70-year old church drummer), Chuck, is in a 6-hour surgery for prostate cancer.  He has no family in the area.  His wife, Margie, is suffering from terminal cancer and is in Hospice of the Golden Isles in Brunswick.  So I volunteered to bring him and be here during the surgery.

There was a time, when I would be fretting that I’m not getting any “work” done if I sit in a hospital waiting room all day by myself.  There was a time I considered planning, preparing, study, etc. to be the most important work I need to be doing.  That time is over.  Today, I can think of nothing better than sitting in this waiting room, praying for Chuck … and Margie … letting administrative things sort themselves out; praying for others I know; praying for Jesus to let me know him a little better today; possibly meeting others in whom I can see Christ in this waiting room.

Not much “church-building” going on today.  At least church-building in the understood sense.  Probably won’t be much nor any church-building in my plans in future either.  It’s not my job.  Nor is it yours.  Jesus builds, grows, and forms the church.  I’m just part of God’s universal church, trying to keep my family in the Way of Jesus; letting God provide me and my family with opportunities to shepherd, support, listen, care.

Maybe you are like I have been in times past.  Thinking that being in a growing relationship with Jesus Christ means doing “churchy” things, keeping a good attendance at worship, paying attention to church leaders and pastors, trying to be “good” or “righteous.”  I’m convinced these days that being a follower of Jesus and the God whom he called Father is not really related to those things.  It’s about listening for God’s voice, getting to know Jesus, trusting in God’s love for us, keeping your family faithful to the Spirit’s voice, living life with others who are on the same journey.  In this way, worship becomes not a weekend hour or two, but a way to live.

So I’m worshipping today.  As I wait to see Chuck after his long surgery.  As I trust Jesus to be with Chuck, and Margie, and me, and my family, and you.  The trappings, and requirements, and obligations are melting away.  As I turn my eyes on Jesus, I’m seeing only … get this … Jesus!  And like him, I must be about my Holy Father’s work.

SO TELL ME SOMETHING:
How are you worshipping through the way you live this week?

——

Brian Niece
www.brianniece.com
If you enjoyed this post, get free updates by email or RSS.Related Posts:

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Through the transitions in life as of late, God has provided for us by Heather working a couple more days a week while I play Mr. Mom.  It means I get work done at odd hours.  But the chance to experience life with my kids has been incredible.

Yesterday, our 3-year old, Eliot, ate like a human garbage disposal.  His hunger was bottomless.  He had two bowls of cereal and applesauce for breakfast.  Crackers, yogurt, and grapes for “second breakfast.”  More grapes and cheese crackers for a snack.  A turkey sandwich, pretzels, and yogurt for lunch.  Even more grapes, cornbread, sesame sticks, and apricots for afternoon snack.  Chicken nuggets (his and some of mine), mixed fruit, fries for dinner.  Then more cereal and grapes at separate times before bed!

I was amazed how much he could put away!  I was even more amazed that he was eating just about every hour or so.  He’s growing, changing.  And he needs to be nourished constantly.

Then, while struggling to sleep in the middle of the night, these words came to my mind: “Humans don’t live by bread alone, but by every word that issues from God’s mouth.”

Jesus was so close in relationship with his Father, that he carried on conversation with him throughout the day.  He wanted the nourishment from God to be just as regular, satisfying, and growth-inducing as regular food for his body … if not more so.

I’ve been learning to trust Jesus more.  To lean into God’s unfailing love and acceptance of me.  To be in conversation with the Father at all times.

Just like Eliot eating constantly for his body to develop in a healthy way, we need to be in constant, aware, open, trusting relationship with God so that we may grow more into the likeness of Jesus Christ.

It’s not just a Sunday morning thing (or whatever time and day we may gather for community worship).  It’s not just a private prayer time once or a few times a week.  It’s not just in fellowship with other believers every so often.  It’s not just in relationship with not-yet believers.  It’s not just in our family time with children and parents.  It’s not just in the compassionate lifestyle actions that we may engage in.

Life and relationship with God is all of this, and more, at all times, with all that we are, trusting all that our God is!

The ways and times to “do church” are becoming completely insignificant to me.  The life enjoyed by “being church” is the path I’m on.  It’s not popular.  It’s confusing on all sides.  It means I can’t plan my future so much as trust God’s working in my present until he accomplishes his purpose in me.

What is God’s purpose?  The same for all of us really:  to be drawn into relationship with God, to be caught up in the community of our holy Parent, and the befriending Son, and the loving Spirit; to be shaped into the likeness of our oldest brother — Jesus Christ.

God, work out your purpose in me and my family however you choose.  AMEN.

SO TELL ME SOMETHING:
How is God nourishing you these days?

——

Brian Niece
www.brianniece.com
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